Am asked:
I just had a baby 4 months ago. Since then I have had no sex drive. I am trying really hard to want it. It is starting to take a toll on our relationship. IWe have been having sex but I have to force my self to do it. I enjoy it (obviously) during it but getting there is hard. love my husband and want to get him some toys or something so to help spice our sex life and increase my drive. Any ideas?
Really hot dating
I just had a baby 4 months ago. Since then I have had no sex drive. I am trying really hard to want it. It is starting to take a toll on our relationship. IWe have been having sex but I have to force my self to do it. I enjoy it (obviously) during it but getting there is hard. love my husband and want to get him some toys or something so to help spice our sex life and increase my drive. Any ideas?
Really hot dating
January 18th, 2009 - 6:29 pm
might want to consider medication
January 20th, 2009 - 3:35 pm
Don’t feel pressured to have sex with your husband just because he may want to. You’ll get your sex drive back when it’s time for you to. Make him start taking care of the baby more and he’ll be too tired to have sex with you meanwhile.
January 23rd, 2009 - 8:32 pm
get some outfits for the bedroom. for me that always spices things up and makes you feel very sexy. once you put that on you will feel sexy and it might make you want to have sex. good luck
January 26th, 2009 - 10:07 pm
lube, lube and more lube. i like vibrators too.
January 30th, 2009 - 4:43 am
This is very normal for new moms to experience. Your sex drive will likely come back in time. Your partner needs to be patient and understanding. Perhaps it is him who should be asking questions on how to help you.
February 1st, 2009 - 6:21 am
Odds are you are just tired,just try again after you have gotten some sleep.
February 2nd, 2009 - 12:51 pm
lots of foreplay!! that should help. if not then see a doctor
February 5th, 2009 - 4:50 pm
My Son is 4 1/2 months old also and I have no sex drive either my fiance and I watch “adult films” together and we also have a couple of toys and that always seems to help out!
Good Luck!
February 7th, 2009 - 4:44 pm
i don’t have anything particular to suggest, just to say that you are right on track with wanting to try something new to spice things up again. the excitement of something new should really get you interested again. toys, a new place to do it, new positions, etc. and really work on the foreplay instead of trying to just jump to it.
February 9th, 2009 - 9:28 am
i feel the same way. i just talk to my boyfriend about it and he kind of understands that its nothing personal, that i enjoy it when we DO, but he may need to try a little harder for a little while to get things going because i just can’t seem to get into it on my own. i would just keep lines of communication open, and try different things until you get back to yourself again. good luck!
February 12th, 2009 - 6:30 pm
I am smiling while I read this question and trying to think of the most tactful way to say this…
Welcome to the rest of your life.
I don’t know why, or how, but it seems to be a very common thing that happens to married couples after the baby. Now, we know there are tons of reasons why it could be:
1. Low self esteem (from body image)
2. Exhaustion!
3. Trying to schedule it while the baby sleeps for 4 hours straight
4. Exhaustion!
5. worried about concieving again!
and the list goes on and on.
My advice. Get a babysitter. If you can afford it, get a hotel room.
But you two need to reconnect. NOt as “babys” mom and dad but as a happy married couple. Take a shower, put on makeup ( even if it takes you all day long!) go out and don’t talk about the baby.
Come home at a decent hour for the sex (or go to the hotel before you are too tired to bother) and don’t get into bed.
Nobody wants to get all riled up once they have reached that “time to go to sleep” phase.
I can’t tell you how many times my husband has said to me, “you know you’ll enjoy it once we get going,” And my answer is always the same, “It’s the getting going that is getting tough!”
But it does get easier!
My son is 2.5 now and I think we have a normal schedule of sex. My husband is as randy as a 16 year old boy and that helps!
Tell your hubby not to take it personally and to keep on keeping on!
February 13th, 2009 - 10:11 am
talk to a doctor see what is the issue.
we cannot define this one on a poster board.
you should be interested again.
did the partner alienate you?
so ask the doctor
February 14th, 2009 - 8:15 am
My fiance wants it every night and it gets a little boring and not exciting to me if I do it every night- so we skip a few days every now and again to renew my excitment about it. But have him do stuff to you that turns you on, maybe have a glass of wine before you go to bed to loosen yourself up, take time to put on some nice smelling lotion and let your hair down so you feel sexy, and just go with it. Also, dont stress about it. My son is 6.5 months and we still have a great sex life!
February 16th, 2009 - 9:51 am
Maybe it’s just gone a bit stale… get some sexy outfits and act out your “sexual fantasies”
February 19th, 2009 - 5:51 am
You should tell your doctor about it. But in the meantime I recommend to spice things with toys or sexy outfits, role play is great, you could pretend that you are complete strangers, things that would get you out of the routine and the baby stress. I think if you make sex more interesting, you would be always wanting more, like an scape from reality. But it if is possible remember also to sleep, that could also help you, cause lack of sleep could get you cranky. The tireness could be one of the reasons you don’t want to have sex, even the ONE reason.
February 19th, 2009 - 11:45 pm
u just had a baby and so ur not ready to have sex again…..just wait itll come back to u and u will wanna do it all the time…..
February 22nd, 2009 - 9:53 am
well thats normal to feel that way you just had a baby and dealing with a newborn will wear you out! Youre probably just tired and your body is exhausted so it’s not responding the way it used to. Give it some time is all
Also he should be more understanding to your situation
February 23rd, 2009 - 10:58 am
Try something VERY NEW! Let him spank you.. lol Not hard…. not like a punishment.. but like…… that…. its very arousing. Its Scientificly proven that it stimulates ….. watch this.. MANswers…. It will WORK.. swear
February 26th, 2009 - 1:38 am
Ask your Doctor I think Its normal
February 26th, 2009 - 12:40 pm
babe there are some pills for that that ARE NOT dangerous it will just make u a it more sexual plz rate my question
February 28th, 2009 - 4:36 am
I don’t have time to write a book like all these other people, so listen up. Toys suck. What you should do is go someplace like Victoria’s secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood and get something to dress slutty in. This will spice up the relationship, and make you feel more attractive cause your hubby won’t be able to keep his hands off of you. Trust me, it’ll work.
He should love you, you just gave him a baby.
Size matters not, judge me by size do you? -Yoda
March 2nd, 2009 - 1:13 pm
Maybe you could try new things. Toys do not work. Maybe role play or try new positions or have a threesome with a family member or friend or coworker.
March 3rd, 2009 - 9:44 am
You’ve received a wide variety of answers here with some really great suggestions. As a father of four with 14 years of marriage under my belt I have a few suggestions and cautions:
1) Don’t use movies - movies stimulate him and MIGHT stimulate you, but it’s fairly artificial and doesn’t necessarily increase the desire you have for each other as much as just general arousal.
2) Don’t use toys - something that replaces him will not help his self esteem. Incorporating them eventually will be up to the both of you.
3) What you’re experiencing is pretty normal. You’ve had quite the experience down below and it’ll probably take some time to get everything back to normal.
4) Talk about it. Make sure you take some time to talk about it with him. Process how you’re feeling with him, see if you can get him to talk.
5) Foreplay is good. This will help both of you get started. Honestly, foreplay starts way before the bedroom. Being friendly and intimate with each other can help you both feel more ready.
6) Be patient and understanding. That goes for both of you. He needs to understand and be willing to work with you through this and you need to be patient with yourself and not try to force anything to happen.
7) Schedule sex. It sounds completely horrible but it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done. He needs to know when he’s getting it next as much as you need to know when you don’t have to “perform”. Talk together and determine a schedule that works for both of you. Initially he’ll want it more than you will, but if you find a compromise it works well.
Eventually you’ll recover and feel back to normal. It will take some learning and adjustment with the new addition to the family, but it’s well worth it.
March 5th, 2009 - 4:59 pm
Have sex with me, i’m much better
March 6th, 2009 - 7:52 am
I went through this exact situation when I had my son. Don’t stress too much, it will make it worse. Also, any focus put on your hormonal issue will lead to a relationship issue = FIGHTS. Just relax, try to be as sexual active as you can. It will pass with time. It took over a year for me.
March 8th, 2009 - 11:16 pm
Get with me baby and you wont have that problem anymore
March 11th, 2009 - 7:42 am
In bedtime wear so so so sexy dress or shirt i am sure ur husband will ask to have sex and u have to say ok if u want to have .trust me my friend told me when she told when she want to have sex with her bf she did like that .
March 12th, 2009 - 5:57 am
This is completely normal. You just had a baby and the clock stopped for a few months. Don’t feel bad. Maybe your husband needs to be educated in the whole process. Communication is key. Let him know your body has gone through some changes since having this kiddo and things will return to normal. This is all part of the natural process. Tell him that you love him and still feel excited about him but can’t control what post natal hormones are doing to your sex drive. Ask him to be understanding. Don’t force yourself to have sex with him. You will only create negative experiences. Try helping him out with a little hand play.
March 14th, 2009 - 9:27 pm
Dear one
Try to make an diferent personality from your self one for the baby and the house and for husbent in day and one for the night, totaly diferent and the opositive. U dont need toys its all in your head dear.
Good lick
March 15th, 2009 - 11:16 pm
Well i can get you in the mood let me try
March 19th, 2009 - 7:27 am
The first thing you need to do is figure out why your sex drive is low and try to help get it back. I was in your situation and it’s not fun without being horny and feeling in the mood when needed. I also felt like my orgasms (if I would even get one) were really weak. Probably because of my sex drive.
However, I tried exercising and dieting but nothing seemed to be working. I thought I was screwed. I then found something just as amazing as the vibrator.
My friend at work told me about this stuff she took to raise her sex drive. It was a natural herbal supplement and was I lucky to of found it. Theres no side effects and the sex drive is just tremendous along with orgasms that are blasting. The stuff is called Hersolution pills. At the time I saved money on them at herenhancement.com
What I did was tried out for 3 months and that was really it. I found taking them every other day or so was the best to stretch it out. After the months were up, I was back to normal with a beating sex drive and my orgasm strength in increased so much.
Well good luck and I hope this helps.
March 21st, 2009 - 11:08 am
I am pregnant now and I have the same problem. At first it was just because i was so sick all the time but now im not sick, i just dont feel like having sex. Its more of a hassle that i give in to to keep him happy.
March 23rd, 2009 - 11:28 pm
sry to bother but like how do u even do it? .. duznt the guy have to like grab his thing to make it go in and out? ROFL
March 24th, 2009 - 3:52 pm
Feed on a lampshade or a bowser poster.